How to build solid discipline

by | Mindsets

Imagine a child sitting in front of a single, tempting marshmallow. The year is 1970, and this is the famous Stanford marshmallow experiment, a study that has shaped much of what we understand about self-control and delayed gratification. The children were told that if they could wait 15 minutes before eating the marshmallow, they would get a second one. What happened next has become a cornerstone of psychology: some kids ate the marshmallow right away, while others managed to wait.

The initial interpretation of the marshmallow experiment was that the children who waited had greater self-discipline, which transleted to better life outcomes, educational attainment, and nody mass index. This idea became deeply ingrained in our culture, that some people are just “naturally” disciplined, while others are not. But, is that all there is to it? Were these kids simply born with more or less willpower? Or was there something else at play?

What if, instead of simply labeling the children as “disciplined” or “undisciplined,” we considered the circumstances surrounding the experiment? Perhaps the children who waited did so, not because they had some innate quality of self-control, but because they had learned, perhaps unconsciously, the value of delayed gratification. Maybe they had developed coping strategies, such as turning away from the marshmallow or distracting themselves. Maybe the environment around them (the sterile lab) was a key factor in helping them wait.

This experiment, although simple, highlights a core challenge: the concept of “discipline” is not as straightforward as we think. It’s not solely about having willpower. It’s a complex interplay of psychology, environment, and learned behaviors. It’s not as simple as just “deciding” to be more disciplined. Many of us look at those we consider to be disciplined and think, “they just have more willpower,” or, “they’re just wired that way.” But this is simply not true. This thinking is not only unproductive but it also absolves us from finding the real solutions to our lack of self-discipline.

We must move beyond the simplistic idea of discipline as mere willpower and instead examine the myriad of factors that contribute to self-control. So let’s understand the depths of what makes us act in a way aligned with our best interests, and what we can do to become disciplined.

Deconstructing the Idea of Self-Discipline

The notion of self-discipline often conjures up images of a lone individual, battling their inner demons, relying solely on their willpower to overcome temptations.

This romanticized view, however, is not only inaccurate but also incredibly limiting. It places the entire burden of becoming disciplined squarely on the shoulders of the individual, ignoring the massive influence of external factors. It’s tempting to believe that a plant’s growth depends solely on its seed, ignoring the crucial role of sunlight, water, and soil.

The Myth of the Individual

The idea that discipline is solely a matter of your willpower is deeply rooted in Western individualistic culture. We’re taught that our success or failure is primarily a result of our own choices and efforts. While personal accountability certainly plays a role, this perspective can be harmful. It tends to ignore the many factors influencing behavior that are outside of an individual’s control. These can include their upbringing, social circumstances, and economic situation.

David Goggins became a synonym to hard discipline. He runs marathons, even with broken legs. He constantly reminds us that we are stronger than we think. Upon closer inspection you can see he had a traumatic childhood, and the way how chose to escape his demons has been through putting himself through mental and physical hardship.

If we only focus on the individual, we risk ignoring the systemic issues that impact our ability to be disciplined.

For example, consider the difference in access to resources. An individual from a lower socio-economic background might have less access to healthy food options, safe exercise facilities, and the time for self-care. These are all crucial factors in establishing healthy habits and routines. The myth of individual discipline conveniently ignores these significant barriers. It’s not a level playing field, and not everyone is starting from the same line.

This is not to say that we can’t still create a disciplined life even if our circumstances are challenging; instead, it should provide us a broader, more realistic understanding of the challenges we face and also help us be more compassionate towards ourselves.

Goggins’ example emphasizes hard work, self-denial, and delayed gratification, which has deeply influenced understanding of what it means to be “disciplined.” This framework, while having contributed to some positive outcomes, also perpetuates the idea that those who struggle to conform to this standard are somehow morally deficient, or lazy.

To truly understand how to become disciplined, we must move away from this simplistic notion of self-reliance and accept that we are not islands. We are deeply interconnected beings, influenced by our environment, culture, and history. Understanding this is the first step to creating a more holistic, sustainable, and compassionate approach to fostering deep health. It’s not about blaming others or ignoring personal responsibility, but it’s about acknowledging the reality that individual willpower is only one piece of a very complex puzzle.

The Psychology of Discipline

The journey to understand how to become disciplined requires a deeper dive into the psychology behind our actions. It’s crucial to differentiate between several commonly confused concepts: motivation, willpower, discipline, and habits. Often, we conflate these terms, which leads to ineffective strategies for self-improvement.

Differentiating Motivation, Willpower, Discipline, and Habits

Motivation is the initial spark that drives us to start something. It’s the feeling of excitement and desire that propels us forward. It’s the ‘why’ behind our actions. However, motivation is fleeting and unreliable. It comes and goes like the tide, and relying solely on motivation to maintain discipline is a recipe for failure. By the way, we never have a lack of motivation — instead, we are motivated to do different things, and sometimes they are not aligned with our goals.

Willpower is often seen as the secret ingredient to discipline. It’s the ability to resist temptation and act according to our long-term goals. It’s like a muscle; it gets fatigued when it’s overused. Relying solely on willpower is also not a great strategy, as we simply cannot exert it constantly.

Discipline, in contrast, is not a feeling, but a practice. It’s the consistent act of choosing the long term benefit over instant gratification, even when motivation is low, and willpower feels depleted. Discipline is built through daily actions, not through brute force of will.

Habits, on the other hand, are the automatic behaviors we engage in without conscious thought. They are the neural pathways in our brain that become stronger through repetition. Habits are powerful because they conserve mental energy, allowing us to do things efficiently without needing to make conscious decisions every single time. Discipline is like the architect of our routines and habits, while habits form the foundation of our disciplined lifestyle.

Motivation → Discipline → Habit

The Role of Efficiency

Our brains are lazy – and that’s a good thing! They thrive on routines that can be performed without conscious thought. It’s how we can drive to work without consciously thinking about the route we take. But, it’s also how we develop habits that are not serving us. Once a habit loop (Cue, Craving, Response, Reward) is established, it’s hard to break it. This is why changing our behavior can be so difficult.

Neurologically, habits are stored in the basal ganglia, an area of the brain responsible for automatic behaviors and procedural learning. This area operates largely below the level of conscious awareness, which explains why we can do things habitually even when we don’t want to.

When building new habits, you need to repeat the same thing tens or hundreds times before it becomes automatic. That’s when discipline, rather than willpower, comes into play.

Cognitive Biases

Our minds are not perfectly rational machines; they’re filled with cognitive biases that distort our perception and influence our choices. One of the most common biases impacting self-discipline is the present bias (also known as hyperbolic discounting). This is our tendency to place a greater value on immediate rewards than on future ones.

We are also subject to loss aversion, where we are more motivated to avoid losses than to acquire gains. This can lead to inaction. Understanding these biases is crucial for designing strategies that overcome our mental tendencies that hinder our path to becoming more disciplined.

The “Why” Behind Our Choices

Our behaviors are not solely determined by rational thought. They’re also driven by our emotions, values, and identity. Many of us resist change because we subconsciously associate certain habits with comfort, security, or pleasure. To be disciplined, we must understand the emotional underpinnings of our choices and address them. Aligning our habits with our core values and our sense of self is an essential step in our path of learning how to become more disciplined. It’s about making our path towards discipline one that is aligned with who we are and who we want to be.

It’s easy to be disciplined with what you eat, when your health depends on it, or when you value nutrition way above the pleasure of taste, and it’s easy to avoid the food you believe is evil.

The Hidden Social and Environmental Influences

While understanding the psychology of discipline is crucial, it’s equally important to recognize the immense power of our environment and social contexts. We are not isolated individuals making choices in a vacuum; our surroundings deeply influence our behaviors, often without our conscious awareness.

The Power of Defaults

Our environments are not neutral; they are often designed, intentionally or unintentionally, to nudge us towards certain behaviors. These are called “defaults,” and they have a tremendous influence on our actions. The way a menu is presented, the layout of a grocery store, all these factors can shape our habits without us even noticing it.

Imagine a typical grocery store. These are highly engineered environments designed to make us buy more than we intended:

  • Slow Music: Slow music in stores can increase sales, as it slows down our pace.
  • Dairy in the Back: Dairy is often in the back, forcing us to walk through other aisles.
  • Produce in Front: Placing the produce section at the front of the store makes us feel like we’re making healthy choices.
  • Large Shopping Carts: The bigger the cart, the more we tend to buy.
  • Eye-Level Products: The most expensive products are often placed at eye level.
  • Middle Aisles: The middle aisles are usually stocked with the most processed and profitable items.

These examples demonstrate that the environment is a powerful force shaping our choices. If we want to learn how to become disciplined, we need to understand how our environment works and how we can design it to support our goals.

Social Contagion

Our social networks also have a powerful effect on our habits and behavior. Just like a virus spreads, so too can behaviors, both positive and negative. This phenomenon is known as “social contagion.” Surrounding yourself with people who are already in the habit of being disciplined can boost your motivation and accountability. In these environments a sense of community is created. A sense of belonging is one of the most powerful motivators we can have.

Strategies for Building Discipline

Now that we have explored the complexities of discipline, it’s time to discuss practical strategies for building it. However, it’s crucial to understand that there are no quick fixes or magic bullets. The journey to becoming disciplined is a continuous process of learning, doing, and adapting.

Questioning Simplistic Solutions

Many self-help articles and challenges propose simplistic solutions to the problem of lacking discipline. They might say something like, “Just do it.” or “It’s about your priorities.” The truth is that there are no simple “hacks” or “tricks” to develop discipline. Discipline and change require consistent effort, mindful adjustments, and the right strategy.

75 hard, a popula mental toughness program, requires six commitments you must complete every day for 75 days.

  • Two 45-minute workouts. One must be outside.
  • Adhering to a diet. You can pick the diet, but you can’t cheat.
  • Reading 10 pages of a self-help or educational book.
  • Drinking a gallon of water.
  • Taking a progress picture.

Challenges like 75 Hard can be effective tools for building discipline for some individuals, particularly those who thrive in structured environments and are driven by external motivation. But we know that external motivation dissipates quickly and after the program, you will not have the “discipline” and “toughness” forever. For those, for whom these steps are too extreme, the failure to adhere to such a program can lead to the exactly opposite outcomes: decreased trust in your own abilities and feeling like a failure.

💡 High achievers love challenges like this because they thrive in a structured environment. They can stick to extreme regimen relatively easily. But what they get out of it is questionable.

It can work short-term, but to develop a lasting discipline to change your life, you need to think long-term.

Instead, you’d better focus on gradual, realistic changes that fit your unique lifestyle and aim for progress that lasts beyond a specific timeframe.

Reframe Discipline

One of the most powerful strategies for building discipline is to reframe it from being seen as a form of self-punishment or strictness into a form of self-care and self-respect. Instead of thinking about discipline as something restrictive and burdensome, think about it as a way of honoring your values and taking care of yourself through setting healthy boundaries. When we see discipline as a way of taking care of our future selves, it becomes a lot easier to make choices aligned with our goals.

For someone, being disciplined means standing from a couch and going for a run. For another person, it is to rest, when overworked.

Discipline is not transferable

You can have discipline in business and exercise, but not in your diet. Telling yourself that you should somehow have it, just because you can be disciplined in a different area, or because someone like you is disciplined, doesn’t take into account your unique lifestyle and skills.

Taking cold showers in the morning will not help you choose more nutritious foods when you come home tired and stressed.

Create Supportive Environments

While self-control is important, relying solely on it as a strategy for discipline is often unsustainable. A more effective approach is to create an environment and routines that minimize the need for willpower.

Design your environment so your desired choice becomes the default choice. Also, plan ahead. Having a plan and being prepared greatly reduces the amount of choices you need to make on the spot. That’s why meal planning, meal prepping work.

This might involve making some changes to your home, workplace, and even your digital environment.

Here are some examples:

  • Physical Environment: If you want to eat healthier, fill your kitchen with healthy options and remove unhealthy temptations. Set up your gym clothes the night before if you want to work out in the morning.
  • Digital Environment: Turn off notifications on your phone to reduce distractions. Unfollow social media accounts that trigger negative emotions or unproductive behavior.
  • Social Environment: Surround yourself with people who share your goals.

By actively shaping our environment, we make it easier to make disciplined choices and harder to fall back into old habits.

Self-Compassion

It’s important to remember that building discipline is a journey, not a destination. There will be setbacks, failures, and moments when you struggle. It’s crucial to treat yourself with kindness and compassion during these times.

The problem is, those who need to develop more self-compassion, are the most resistant to it. So if it sounds like a weak talk to you, if you feel like having compassion towards yourself will make you lazy, whiny, weakling, you would likely benefit from it.

Self-compassion is about finding a balance between setting boundaries aligned with your goals and being compassionate with yourself when you slip up. So instead of beating yourself up, you accept your slip-ups and move on because you understand that nobody is perfect. This is motivating long-term.

Become a “Disciple”

Interestingly, the word “discipline” originates in the word “disciple,” which means a student or follower of a teacher or a master. When we approach discipline as a student, we shift our mindset from striving to achieve perfection to embracing the process of learning and growth.

I view it as a mastery. To achieve mastery in anything, you need to practice a lot, you will fail a lot, but it is important to learn from your mistakes and keep going. Best athletes and business owners fail daily, it is their ability to stand up, refine their approach, and continue that sets them apart.

Viewing ourselves as disciples means adopting a mindset of humility and continuous learning. As a student, you understand that mistakes are a part of the learning process. The process itself can become a source of meaning and inspiration.

Conclusion

To conclude, it’s clear that building discipline is more complex than simply relying on willpower. We are beings shaped by our psychology, our environment, and our social interactions. Understanding these influences is essential for cultivating lasting change.

Here are some open questions for self-reflection:

  • What does discipline mean to you personally?
  • How has your environment influenced your habits and choices?
  • In what ways has your social circle either supported or hindered your progress?
  • What are the emotional needs that may be underlying your less disciplined behaviors?
  • Are you relying solely on willpower, or are you creating routines and environments that make it easier to make better choices?
  • How do you approach self-compassion and empathy when you stumble in your quest for more discipline?

Ultimately, the path to becoming more disciplined is a personal one. It’s about building a life that is aligned with your values, and living it with more intention and awareness. It’s a journey of self-discovery, experimentation, and continuous refinement.

Sources:

  1. Wikipedia contributors. (2025, January 17). Stanford marshmallow experiment. In Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia. Retrieved 19:33, January 19, 2025, from https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Stanford_marshmallow_experiment&oldid=1269937046